WE will never know the full story of the Highland bagpipe. Perhaps it
began in ancient Persia, or even Assyria. The use of the drone was
certainly known in Egypt and Greece. The first of the MacCrimmons,
hereditary pipers to the Macleods, was even said to have been brought
back from Italy during a crusade led by King Alexander. But until
recently there has never been a report of bagpipe phobia.
According to Paul Hellweg, there are some 555 terms for these
exaggerated terrors. They range from arachnophobia, the fear of spiders,
to the similarly named arachibutyrophobia, or fear of peanut butter
sticking to the roof of the mouth. For bagpipe phobia, however, there
appears to be no word, although a sufferer was reported among 1700 who
sought help during National Phobia Awareness Week. According to Mr
Michael Whitenburgh, who counsels victims in Liverpool, it caused a
retired Post Office worker to shun New Year celebrations for 35 years.
''If I hear Mull of
Kintyre I go to pieces,'' she told him. Modern pipe music has become
versatile enough to accommodate the sad lament of the piobairdreachd,
the ceremonial of the march, and joyous strathspeys and reels. Two
pipers played at the porch of Crathie kirk to celebrate the wedding of
the Princess Royal. Scotland the Brave has even been rendered at
40,000ft in an RAF Phantom by Sgt Mick Maitland, pipe major of the 111
Squadron. It was played at Mach 2, not only the fastest pipe music on
record, but well beyond the speed of being able to hear it.
Bagpipe fears could be hereditary, of
course.
The sound of the pipes is reputed to send enemy infantry into such
terror that English regiments have even tried to borrow them. Memories
of the Jacobite Army may even linger on in peaceful Cirencester, where a
bagpiper was
recently engaged to enliven the Woolmarket. After five weeks the
performance had to be cancelled because it was frightening shoppers
away.
