How To Speak Life Into Your Husband
By Bradley Bennett
A wise person once said that behind every strong man is a wife that’s speaking life into him. There’s so much truth in this saying. I didn’t realize just how much until I got married. Ladies, your words have more power than you know. Your husband desperately desires for you to speak life into him. There are few things I desire more than Amanda encouraging me and pushing me forward. With her words, she builds me up and pushes me towards God’s calling on my life.As a wife, your words have the power to build your husband up or tear him down. How you choose to wield them will determine the outcome.
“The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.” – Proverbs 14:1
The key to building your husband up with your words is to learn how to speak life into him. Here is how you can do that.
Believe In Him Like God Does
What you believe about your husband means everything.Do you see him as a lazy person who can’t accomplish anything? Or do you see him as a king in training? How you view your husband is important because it will directly affect how you speak to him. In order to speak life, it must flow directly from your heart.
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it. ~Proverbs 4:23
Ladies, let me make this very clear. God has called your husband to love you and lead your family well. Your husband is a king-in-training within the kingdom of God. This is how God sees your husband. I want to ask that you choose to see him in the same way. To believe in your husband just as much as God does. This doesn’t mean that you excuse where he is now, only that you truly see and believe in his potential just as much as God does.
Call Out His Strengths, Not Only His Weaknesses
It’s so easy to focus on your husband’s weaknesses. These things are very obvious. It’s much harder to see and focus his strengths. As a husband, I am so thankful that Amanda chooses to not focus only on my weaknesses. The Lord knows I have plenty!Every once in a while I will come home and find a note stashed away in a place that Amanda knows I will find it. I’m not proud of this, but that usually means the pantry!Recently, I got the opportunity to speak at our church one Sunday and when I came home I found a note Amanda left me saying how well she thought I did! (Along with other things I will not share…)She acknowledged my strength in communicating and called it out by celebrating it. They were simple words but they made me feel like I could conquer the world.All because my wife called out what she saw in me!Let me ask you a question… what does your husband do well? What are his strengths? If you don’t have an answer to those questions, then you may too focused on his weaknesses. I believe that your husband has many strengths. God has uniquely designed and gifted him for His purpose’s on this earth. Become a student of your husband. Study him and discover where his strengths are. They may seem tiny right now, but see the potential and begin to call them out of him.
Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
I have a friend who desperately wanted her husband to step into his role as a spiritual leader in their family. Unfortunately, he wanted no part of it. The thought of it intimidated him and he didn’t want to fail at it.My friend, wanting to see her husband step into this role, decided to begin celebrating any progress he made, no matter how small. When he would do simple things like give thanks for dinner she would lean over and say, “That was the BEST prayer I’ve ever heard.” She looked for every opportunity to notice and celebrate his progress. As she did this, he began to gain confidence and took steps toward becoming the spiritual leader in his house.You may be experiencing something similar to my friend. Your husband may not be anywhere near God’s calling on his life. What can you do to speak life into him when he’s so far off course? It starts by not expecting perfection. That expectation will seep through in how you speak to him and it will discourage any progress. Instead, desire and celebrate progression. You see, your husband will never be perfect and if that’s your expectation, then he will never live up to it. There is always an opportunity for progress, though. Your husband can always take the next step, no matter how small. And when he does, notice it and celebrate it with him. Your encouragement will give him confidence and as this builds he will begin taking steps towards God’s calling.
Combine Truth With Grace
There is a constant tension when it comes to speaking life into your husband. There must be both grace and truth. You see, truth without grace becomes cold and hard. Speaking only cold, hard truth to your husband is nothing more than criticism. That’s not speaking life, but death. There is a flip side, too. Grace without any truth is soft and meaningless. When you only speak grace and never speak truth there will never be progress. You are simply enabling death, not encouraging life. In order to speak life, you must learn to speak the truth with grace. Understand where your husband is right now but believe in him as God does. See and address his weaknesses that are affecting your marriage, but also call out his strengths. Understand that he is never going to be perfect, but expect, notice, and celebrate progress. To the wife that’s reading this, my hope is that you would speak life into your husband by balancing both grace and truth. There is a king inside of him and your words of life have the power to help draw it out of him.
