Congratulations, someone has asked you—yes, you—to officiate their big day. Now, the question at hand is how to officiate a wedding.
These days, the dress is custom, the cake is boutique, and even the napkins are bespoke. It makes sense that the couple would want to handpick the person leading the “I dos,” instead of accepting the ordained minister chosen by their parents. The only caveat is that this is your first time officiating, and you never thought this day would come, leaving you with no real advice on how to actually officiate a wedding.
So, what now?
Yes, You Need to Get Ordained
You’re here today to bring two people together in lawful marriage, but don’t forget that you’ll need to go through the law too. If this is your first wedding as a marriage officiant, you'll need to get ordained. There are several interfaith, nondenominational, or religious organizations that offer online ordinations, like the Universal Life Church and American Marriage Ministries. Marriage laws vary from state to state, so be sure to double-check the legal requirements with your county clerk’s office.
Too Legit to Quit
You might not have to take an oath, but a simple “yes” is a binding promise. Once you commit to the couple, there's no turning back. Don't risk spoiling your loved one's special day by procrastinating your wedding ceremony script or backing out a month before. Officiating is a time-consuming, and intimate role, so ensure you're fully aware of the responsibilities before taking the plunge. If you're leaning towards a “no,” we have a guide for that, too.
Homework Makes the Ceremony Work
You have perhaps the most important role of the day. Do. Not. Wing. It. Have a meeting with the couple—better yet several meetings—to discuss what’s expected of you. How long do they want the marriage ceremony to run? Do they want to deliver their own wedding vows? What kind of tone are they hoping for? And don’t forget to check the facts. You could have sworn they met by an exotic beach fire, but was it actually a tiki bar in Chinatown? They’ll give you a roadmap, don’t hit the open road alone.
Just the Two of Us
The soon-to-be newlyweds have given you the job likely because you have some intimate knowledge of one or the both of them. They don’t want you to wax poetic about marriage or bring in a #quoteoftheday. They’ve asked you because they know you, and more importantly, because you know them. And that is what the wedding ceremony needs to be about: them! What’s your favorite story about the two of them? When did you know their path was going to end in marriage? What you might lack in decades-long marriage wisdom, you make up for with special stories about the couple. Tell ’em!
Phone a Friend or Family Member
If you feel like your memories just aren’t cutting it, send out a call for help. Survey the crowd ahead of time. What makes them good together? What would everyone in the room say about them? What’s the sweetest thing one did for the other? Gather the data and make sense of it. Then, plot it out.
Something Old, Something New, Something Broad, Something You
You’re going to have to forget your third-grade English teacher’s advice here. When it comes to a wedding officiant speech, start with the specific and transition to the broad. The audience will want to know who you are and why you’re up there. So, start by introducing yourself—briefly—and explain why you were chosen or how you know the couple. Then, share those two or three specific stories you brainstormed or crowd-sourced. And lastly, zoom out. What does a marriage mean? Why is it meaningful that everyone is there today? Put their love story in a greater context. A wedding day is for pearls, so bring your wisest ones.
Don’t Look for the Laugh Track
It’s a wedding celebration, not a funeral, so work in some levity with a joke or two. But don’t go overboard. This isn’t the time to recreate your college improv games. Don’t draw more attention to yourself than absolutely necessary. Yes, it’s an honor to lead the pronouncement and exchange of rings, but consider yourself the hired help.
Stick to the Dress Code
Run your outfit past the bride and groom to avoid any fashion faux pas. You don’t want to look out of place in the wedding party photos or clash with the bridesmaids, so communication is key. When in doubt, stick to the color palette. And don’t wear white (duh).
Till Death Do Us Part
Getting married is serious business and you’re laying the groundwork for its success. So, make sure you give yourself the time to draft, edit, and rehearse your public speaking. Run through the celebrant script with a few close friends. If you want it to be a surprise, try it out with someone who didn’t get the invite. It’ll alleviate pre-wedding jitters and increase self-confidence. And remember, the couple trusts you; now it’s time to trust yourself.
Sign, Sealed, Delivered
You’re nearing the finish line, with just one task left. Go with the newlyweds to the county clerk’s office to sign for their marriage license. The specific witness and notary requirements depend on your county’s regulations, so do your research ahead of time. Take a moment to double-check the marriage certificate a day or two prior to catch any mistakes before filing.
